You don’t know what turn took you to this dead end cul-de-sac
& you know you gotta go, but it’s so much more to it than that
I was never afraid to leave, I was afraid to move on
cause what if there’s a part of me that I’m leaving here?
but now I’ve grown & I know that’s my past and I release it here.
I wrote & performed that Song in 2016 at an open mic in Cedarburg, Wi. I was trying to call out to my Creator. Trying to ask my Creator to mother me. fashion me an umbilical chord made from holy sinews of hope, so when I am born again I will know who I was made to be. I was just beginning, in 2016 to know the surface of how I’d been abused. And lied to. Just beginning to understand that they had called these abuses “love”. But in writing poetry & song, I was becoming a vessel for a Spirit Being that was distilling my own life back to me, metered and musical. And the music sounded to me like needed to learn to love myself. The music was saying that though I was adopted by a people who are a children of lies, I had a holy dark mother of love.
In her iconic essay Poetry Is Not A Luxury, Audre Lorde writes, “The white fathers told us: I think, therefor I am. The Black mother within each of us - the poet - whispers in our dreams: I feel, therefor I can be free.”
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